Seeing Reality For What Is, As It Is
Perception is reality…
My perception creates my reality.
My perception is created by my beliefs, values, attitudes, inherent cognitive biases, emotions and mood at that time (+ many other factors that I probably don’t know).
These factors are created by my environment, upbringing, the people in my life, evolution (especially the biases).
The level of awareness I have to these factors dictates the level to which I am affected by them.
However, even if I think I am aware, it could just be my subconscious tricking me into thinking I am consciously aware, even though I am not, just to make me feel better about myself. I could also be aware, consciously and subconsciously, but still have it affect me.
So, the question becomes how can I align my perception to be congruent with reality?
I am largely unaware of how deeply my emotions and beliefs dominate me. In the words of Robert Greene in Laws of Human Nature:
“They make you see what you want to see, depending on your mood, and this disconnect from reality is the source of the bad decisions and negative patterns that haunt your life. Rationality is the ability to counteract these emotional effects, to think instead of react, to open your mind to what is really happening, as opposed to what you are feeling.”
I will repeat it because it is important to me: “...this disconnect from reality is the source of the bad decisions… rationality is… to think instead of react, to open your mind to what is really happening, as opposed to what you are feeling.”
So when I say, how can I align my perception to be congruent with reality, I am basically asking how I can be more rational.
Seeking pleasure, avoiding pain…
My emotions, beliefs, cognitive biases and all the factors that create the filter through which we see reality is attempting to complete one main objective: satisfy the desire for pleasure and the avoidance of pain.
We delude ourselves into thinking we are better than we are because we desire pleasure. We delude ourselves into thinking we are worse than we are because we are attempting to avoid the pain of trying and failing (thus we rule out the potential for even trying by convincing (and deluding) ourselves into thinking we can never achieve it - thus, we never try).
Robert Greene explains this better:
“We imagine we are looking for the truth, or being realistic, when in fact we are holding on to ideas that bring a release from tension and soothe our egos, make us feel superior. This pleasure principle in thinking is the source of all of our mental biases. If you believe that you are somehow immune to any of the following biases, it is simply an example of the pleasure principle in action.”
Very true.
Reality is neutral…
But in fact, reality is neutral. Nothing is ever as good or as bad as we think it is. The reality is, most of life just is, and that is neither good nor bad. In fact, there is no good or bad. These are just labels that we put on objective things and events, and are based on the filters that we are looking through at that moment in time e.g. emotions, biases, beliefs etc.
And by using these labels we further solidify the filter that we are accustomed to, which conditions us to be even more set in our ways and even less open to change. These filters then slowly become attached to our identity and we start to associate more and more with them.
This is true of ideas, beliefs, but also emotions. The more we reinforce an emotion through our thoughts, actions and behaviours, the more we attached to it. For example:
We say things like: I am happy; I am sad… I am [insert emotion here]
We should be saying: I am experiencing happiness; I am experiencing sadness… I am experiencing [insert emotion]
The point is, we begin to associate with our emotions when in reality, we are not our emotions, we are just experiencing them. If you swim in the ocean, you don’t become the ocean, you’re just swimming in it.
And because we associate with our emotions, we delude ourselves and our perception of reality is distorted.
One way to see more clearly…
Therefore, one way I can align my perception to be more congruent with reality is just to be aware of what emotions I am feeling and diagnose it accurately e.g. rather than saying I feel happy, I can say I am feeling joy, peaceful or fulfilled (specificity).
Then, I need to learn why I am feeling that particular emotion and what it is trying to tell me e.g. if I am fearful of being judged, it is because when my ancestors were cavemen, if the tribe didn’t like him or her, they would have to fight lions alone and would mostly likely die. Thus, caring what others think was useful. However, the hardware of the world around us has changed, yet our software is the same - meaning some emotions in some situations, no longer serve us, but we still feel them.
Knowing this, the next time I need to do public speaking, I know that there are no lions and can be calmer.
By understanding emotions better, I can understand myself better and I can use negative emotions to teach myself what is missing in my life and change course so I can experience a better reality.
Even if you see clearly, what if you’re looking at the wrong thing…
But you can feel emotions that are not in alignment with reality. Therefore, you are using the wrong data to create a solution - the solution may be right for that data, but since the data is wrong, the solution is wrong for that situation.
Let me explain:
Reality happens
You have thoughts about reality (which is shaped by the factors already mentioned like bias, emotions, beliefs etc)
You create your own perception of reality (which is flawed because you are distorting reality with your perception)
You create an emotion based on your perception
You think “aha! I am self-aware and I know this emotion! and I know what it means! - It means ‘xyz’ and I am feeling it because ‘abc’
Then, you base your decisions off that inherently flawed emotion.
My proposed solution…
Perhaps one method for me to see reality more accurately is to read books about psychology, and human nature, talk to smart people and encourage them to challenge my viewpoints and expose myself to new information and see if it fits my version of reality or not.
I guess fooling ourselves here and there is part of the human experience, so I should learn also, to simply enjoy it.
Nonetheless, seeing reality clearly and not deluding myself by distorting reality to fit my own pre-established understanding is a very valuable skill - a skill I want to get better at.
P.S. - How do I see reality clearly whilst also creating a more ‘empowered’ (for lack of a better word) version of reality where I am more likely to succeed. E.g. how to see reality clearly whilst looking at the “brighter side” of things.
The world is full of contradictions and maybe it’s just up to me to choose what I want to believe. There is ample data and evidence to support both viewpoints (and the opportunity cost of the time it would take to sift through it all to find an answer would be too high for me to do). But this loops back around - if I can choose my beliefs, it again distorts reality because beliefs create filters for reality.
So the option is to not have beliefs? But choosing that having any type of beliefs is bad and one shouldn’t have beliefs is a belief.
It is a belief to say one should not have any beliefs.
I guess there are no right answers - (but my academic tendencies makes me wish there was)
